Waking Ned Devine

Ok, this post isn't a tribute to that movie, but just to the good idea that came from random blog hopping the other night. To share how removed I was from the people I happened to blog into: my sister's friend's brother's-in-law "Angel Baby" friend's links. Angel Babies are children who passed away at birth or very young. My sister brought up the site while I was talking to her the other day and for some reason I visited their site and other similar families who have suffered such an intense loss. I don't know what propelled me to keep reading more since it just made me cry harder. Fernando was at the hospital and called me. This broke the cycle long enough for me to think. Then, like it was choreographed, my sleeping Tiago feel out of his bed. The fall woke him enough to let out a little whimper, but then he fell back to sleep. After all that I just read, I starred at my precious children. All asleep, peacefully breathing life in and out. I turned to check on Talia and a wave of gratitude fell over me. This feeling intensified as her little hand met mine. She knows that my arms are to pick her up and tries in her wordless ways to show me how much she wants to be held. Usually, I would let her fall back to sleep and be about my internet fixation, but not now. I held her and soaked in her soft, sweet smell and thought about how blessed I am to have her. I looked back at Mia and Tiago and remembered all my dumb mom moments. I thought of how many times I could have become one of those families with an "Angel Baby" because of my over confidence or lack of judgment. I thought of all the negative things I have done or said to those sweet kids and yet they keep loving me. I thought of all the sadness and hate and anger wasted for no good reason. Then I thought why wait. Why wait until it is too late to let people know how happy you are to have them in your life? Why wait until it is too late to treat people better?
I realize, of course, the truth found in Alma 34:34 "Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world." In other words, the same spirit of peace or anger or whatever that I have been growing and cultivating for years can't change over night, but it can change and today is the day. (Comic Relief: Mia once astutely noted after I vocally proclaimed my desires to change and be a better mom that "You always say that mommy, but you don't do it.)
With that all said, I just wanted to make an incomplete, but heart felt appreciation to the wonderful family I have. We'll start with Fernando's side just because said so.
(And because I don't do a very good job letting them know how much I love and care for them. We totally have very different love languages)

PAPA JUAN
This picture speaks volumes. His smile is contagious and his smile lines prove how often he is spreading the love. His strength comes from years of unknown trials and trust in the Lord. He sacrifices much and works hard to give his children the best. He seems to know how to do everything and even if he doesn't, he is willing to try. I know that I drive him crazy at times, but he looks past my follies to find common ground. Thank you for being who you are and loving us.


MAMA CLARA

Behind this charming smile lies a faith and courage that is beyond motivating. She is always working whether it be embroidering a beautiful dress or cooking or teaching, she is always striving to improve herself and those around her. Fernando often talks about life changing conversations he had with her. Most recently he spoke of how much his confidence and self esteem came from how she thought about him and treated him. If you know Fernando, you know that means a whole lot. Thank you for all your considerate thoughts, prayers, and calls. Thanks for being an excellent example of thoughtfulness and tenacity.

AUNT TIRSA

Have you ever read the story "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein? Well, Tirsa is the tree. She generously gives of her time, talents, and money (lots of it) to anyone and everyone. She works behind the scenes trying to make everything run smoothly. She remembers important, sentimental details about people's lives and will often get some memento to match.


AUNT SULAY

This picture doesn't really capture her personality. She has an infectious laugh and smile (must run in the family). Her kind and gentle heart often sacrifices much to help those around her. She is the champion of underdogs (and might I add that something smells like updog in here). I had the lucky privilege of being at BYU with her and although I had actually been there for longer, Sulay knew everyone on campus. We could walk only a few steps before she would be smiling, conversing, concerning about someone we crossed paths with.

UNCLE DANIEL
Genius is an understatement, but so is Daniel. He never tries to be the center of attention, but will often pull people aside to talk to them. I have had many a conversations with him which he probably doesn't remember, but they were meaningful to me. I still remember when I first met him. He looked totally different, but still a cutie. He interrogated me the whole 2 plus hour drive home from the airport when I went to Fernando's farewell. My favorite part was when he asked me if I was going to marry his brother. Then he started saying my first name with his last name. "Rachelle Tovar, that doesn't sound really good. Neither does Daniel, but it's a lot better then Rachelle Tovar." Hopefully, he has changed his mind.

CROMAR FAMILY (my side, I'll keep it too the point as I have known them obviously longer then my in laws)

GRANDPA CROMAR

My dad has a veracious appetite for knowledge. The amount of information that he consumes is mind boggling as too is how he assimilates information for interesting conversations. He is tenderhearted and always looking for that perfect something. I still remember spending hours at the florist looking for the best flowers to wear on mother's day. He always bought us these delicate orchids even when we were in primary. I can only imagine him in the store shopping for my kids. He often will call to share his meaningful moments. Thank you for your trust and love.



GRANDMA CROMAR

My mother's strength and love have carried me through many a hard times. She will listen to understand my problems and then offer wisdom from the true source of all love and insight. She'll often quote scriptures and spiritual moments that pertain to the given situation and help shift my focus to one more positive and productive. She has sacrificed much of her time and energy. I still remember finding her curled up in a blanket waiting for us to return home. Thanks for your patience and love.

MY SIBLINGS AND THEIR FAMILIES
AUNT ANGELA AND UNCLE JOSH AND COUSIN LIAM (and bean 2)

So fun family to be around and yet we aren't often together. Josh and Angela are both very kind and generous. Angela is a woman that thinks all things are possible and listening to her, you believe that they are. She often will start up conversations with random strangers in hopes to make them feel better and that includes several homeless people. Josh has this fantastic laugh, which I want to call giggle but that is way too girly for him. And although one shouldn't be judged on their appearance, Josh has some sharp clothes and ties to knock your socks off. Thanks for loving my sister so much and being such a great dad to my little nephew and peanut.

UNCLE CHRIS, AUNT EMILY, ETHAN, AND BABY GIRL TO BE

Also fun family that lives way too far from me. Aside from the fabulous, but free hair hook up, Emily is fantastic at helping organize and structure even the most tangled situation. I must confess I have a love hate relationship with playing games with them. They try to dumb things down for me, but alas, they are just gamers who own things I have never even seen on Target's shelves. It's hard not to think about them this season, since they are more than fans of Christmas. Thanks for sharing you whit and cleverness with us (an hopefully a book. . .hint hint). Chris is the creative genius who can pull off such fantastic things like being the "Soul Train". Thanks for loving my sister so much and being such a great dad to my little nephew and soon to be neice.

UNCLE KEVIN AND AUNT LAUREN

This picture screams who they are. I am sure one day they will save the world and find world peace and discover the cure for the common cold among other things. They've perfected the art of showing interest in people. Their conversations are engaging and often make the speaker feel so intelligent. Kevin makes me laugh so hard, I often can't finish sentences (or prayers on some occasions.) Again, I wish we lived closer so we could bash around outdoors together. Thanks for being our babysitters at the most awkward and inconvenient times.

UNCLE LANCE AND AUNT AMY AND TEXAS


I am glad that I had this picture of them. Then you could all think that they aren't as good looking as they are. I often try to convince Amy that warm Texas is the place to be, but what can one do about this housing market. I love how dedicated and diligent they are. Both work full time and go to school. They often sacrifice much to meet their goals. Thanks for being a great example and move to TEXAS. You know you want to.